uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
