People in love make me want to vomit
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize