im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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