Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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