i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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