When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
