I want to stick my p in your. b.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize