I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
