peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
