vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
