it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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