I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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