Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
