i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
