Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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