Someone shit on the floor
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
