i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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