well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
