Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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