sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize