my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
