Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
