i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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