She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
