I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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