I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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