I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize