I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
