I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
