I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
