ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
