everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Help me help you realize you are a moron
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
