i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
