Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
