So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
