Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
