I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
