Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
