You're completely useless in the revolution.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
