Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
