I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
