There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
