Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
