I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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