just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
