i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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