im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
