dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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