he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
