I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
