I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
