his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
