just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
