Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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