on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My bed smells like the plague
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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