I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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