Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please, let me fuck your mom
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
