I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just found puke in my bra..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
