How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
