Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
