The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
