I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
