do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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