Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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