8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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