why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
